Healing After A Divorce
Divorce is never an easy thing to deal with, especially when you have children. Agreeing on parenting time, determining schedules, and trying to navigate the minefield of questions your child may have can be a lot to manage as a newly single parent.
Celebrations and Holidays
When it comes to celebrations, certain days take on a lot of meaning. This is easy to navigate when you are a part of a nuclear family, as it is assumed you will spend your child’s birthdays together. But after a divorce, you may be alone on some of those special days, as discussed in the Huffington Post.
Whether you’re talking about Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, or any other holidays, it is important to discuss with your ex the specifics of where the children will be and when. Things can quickly become confusing for young children if you don’t have your time planned out and prepared. The confusion can lead to stress and quickly hurt feelings between you, your child, and your ex. If you’re unable to see your children on the exact date of the holiday, remember that it is your time together that makes it special, not the date itself.
Once you have a plan in writing and agreed upon (if your relationship is very rocky, you might even want to have an attorney present), you need to sit down and discuss it with your children. If they are younger than nine years old, they might need you to walk them through what exactly is going to be different and what will be the same. If you do find yourself spending more time alone this year, make sure that you take the time to plan something for yourself as well. Making sure you keep yourself happy and looked after is the best thing you can do for your child, as mentioned on Equitable Mediation.
Clearing the Air
After a divorce, it’s best to clear your home of any bad energy of the past. Some signs of negative energy in your home are negative relationships, excessive criticism and complaining, too many instances of assigning blame, and having too much clutter around the house.
Your home should refresh you, and make you feel safe. You don’t want any negative energy that can remind you of any bitter memories.
Start simple. Organize your clutter, remove anything broken and then clean your home from top to bottom. Consider also where you can give rooms a refresh with a coat of paint or new towels. If you kept the family couch or armchair, have it professionally cleaned to give it a new lease on life. You can find affordable and top-rated furniture cleaning experts on sites like Angi.
Once the negative energy in your home is cleared, your house will begin to hold more positive energy, and you and your children will be ready to face the future confidently.
Giving the Gift of Family
Gifts for your child’s birthday or on other special occasions are something that should also be discussed with your ex. The best outcome from a divorce is having kids feel loved by and comfortable around both parents. This is an impossible feat if you try to one-up each other, so make sure you talk about price limits and stick to them. This isn’t just for your sake; it keeps your child from feeling torn between their parents. It would also be a nice gesture if you helped your children make or purchase something for your ex too when their birthday rolls along. Showing them the power of forgiveness and giving is so special.
Find New Ways to Have Fun Together
There are also plenty of ways to make your own new traditions and fun. Remember activities you loved as a child, and let your children experience them as well. This could be going camping, playing basketball or tennis together, going for a hike, visiting art museums or anything else. Establishing new routines like these will go a long way in helping your kids come to terms with the divorce and what the future will look like.
Children can and will come to terms with their parents divorcing, even when they are faced with new routines. Take your time to make sure you consider your children in the process, and focus on making new memories with them. They’re sure to thank you for it later.
Article by Annabelle Harris of elders.center
Annabelle Harris is a writer, wife, mother, and grandmother. She started blogging nearly a decade ago when she was still facing the prospect of retirement and old age. She was terrified and needed an outlet for her thoughts, fears, and uncertainties. It was through her first blog that she found the support of a community that truly helped her through the process of aging.
Photo by Pietro Schellino on Unsplash